Is there a goal or transformation you’re anxious to accomplish, but you feel sabotaged by some of your own behaviors?

And no matter how deeply you desire the outcome, you can’t seem to break the patterns that are preventing it?

There’s something you should know about patterns of behavior …

What’s the benefit?

In order to change a behavior, it helps to first understand how it’s benefiting you.

Yes, I said benefiting. Because I bet it is.

If not, you probably wouldn’t continue doing it. Right?

I know, you’re thinking surely that can’t be true. These patterns are painful, after all.

I don’t disagree that they’re uncomfortable.

But again, what is the benefit? Look closely.

 The only reason we keep doing something that brings discomfort is that it’s helping in some other way.

Either the action itself, or the result of the action is benefiting in some manner.

The hidden benefit in staying small in business

For example, many women struggle to become visible in business.

They don’t post regularly. They don’t make offers regularly. And they seem to shy away from anything that would put a spotlight on them.

Yet, they are frustrated about not having the impact and income they’d like.

As we dig into the issue, there are often discoveries like the following:

  • Fear that more success in business will mean less freedom as they get busier
  • Concern about family/friends/old high school acquaintances on FB judging them
  • Nervousness about not being able to deliver enough value to clients that might sign up to work with them

These revelations often shock them.

Beneath the hesitancy to be visible is actually an attempt to stay safe (or to keep someone close to you safe.)

No matter what the issue, there is usually an underlying attempt to stay safe. And by getting down to what’s really standing in the way, that’s where change becomes possible.

Understanding the benefit of painful patterns is the path to changing them. 

One caveat: please know this behavior is quite normal. It’s human nature and there’s no reason to become frustrated with your actions. Instead, use this knowledge as simply a point of entry when you want to understand the underlying reasons for patterns of behavior.

Give it a try

Do you want to dig into your patterns? If you feel ready, try these steps:

1. Next time you notice you’re experiencing an uncomfortable pattern of behavior, ask: “In what way could this be benefiting me OR someone I care about?”

See where your answer leads you.

2. Then, ask yourself, “Is this concern true?” (Because sometimes the feared outcome isn’t even likely, but until we examine it we don’t know that.)

3. If the answer to #2 is YES, open to the possibility of meeting your needs in another way. Ask: “How could I get this same type of feeling in a way that honors my goals?”

Take your answers and experiment to see what feels best. Work to replace the painful pattern with a more fulfilling option.

You’ve got this!

XO
Piper