The price I paid was lots of travel, missed events with my hubby (including a concert I’d waited months to attend), and weeks away from home.
And it worked! I got the bigger job, better perks, fatter paycheck and literally armfuls of awards.
But there was something missing. It was like finally getting the Chanel bag, only to realize it’s a knock-off.
I was missing the feel-good.
How could this be? I thought success was supposed to feel good!
Except when it doesn’t…
Question Your Motivation
The thing is, we want the things we want because we think they’ll cause us to feel a certain way.
- We think being thin will make us feel confident.
- Or perhaps success will make us feel appreciated.
- Or maybe getting the guy will make us feel loved.
Growing up in a family that rarely expressed love, I craved validation and appreciation. I think deep down I thought that if I was successful enough, my mother might actually say she was proud of me.
As you probably already guessed, it didn’t happen. Not a single word of pride or encouragement.
I was devastated. I’d sacrificed the things that really mattered to me to achieve a success that ended up meaning nothing to me.
I see the same thing in weight loss. Women struggle to achieve their “goal number” only to realize it doesn’t feel any different.
4 Steps to Feel Good Now
The good news is you can achieve the feeling you desire BEFORE getting the promotion, the guy or that magic number on the scale.
- Commit to loving yourself enough to care how you feel. It matters.
- Now sort through your thoughts and get down to your feelings. What is it you’re really after? Hint :: Let the word “why” be your friend. If you want the promotion, ask why. Want to lose weight? Ask why. Keep asking WHY until you get to the feeling you want to feel. (Remember — feelings are felt in the body, not the mind.)
- Give yourself what you’re seeking externally. Want to feel appreciated? Validated? Loved? Give yourself those things right now with your thoughts. Instead of using self-talk (which are your thoughts) for focusing on negative, spotlight the positive.
- Move toward experiences that give you your desired feeling — not years from now or after some major milestone — but in the present. Deliberately dabble in the areas and activities to which you are drawn. Notice what tugs at you even faintly.
Don’t worry, you don’t have to move, change jobs or do anything you don’t want to do. By taking even small steps, you can experience what you really want — the feelings — right now. Then if you choose to go for the promotion, the guy or the magic number on the scale — it won’t be out of desperation for a feeling. You’ll already have the feeling you desire.
This is Me Now
Guided by how I want to feel, my days look nothing like they did a few years ago. Led by my spirit, I eventually changed my views on success. Now I work in a way that feels good to me. I no longer judge my value based on a job title. And when it comes to validation, appreciation and encouragement… I give those things to myself, every single day. I know I’m still a work in progress, but it feels so much better.